I had an unusual dream last night. I was seated in a room that I remembered as a church
basement from my youth. Around me were roughly twenty people of varying races. The group,
about equally divided with men and women, was dressed down, friendly, and enjoying coffee
and donuts.
      As is usually the case with dreams, there was a strange element that at first didn't seem to
make sense. The host of my subconscious assembly was a rumpled looking elephant wearing
a red white and blue tuxedo, and sporting a faded G.O.P. name tag, The elephant motioned
indicating that it was my turn to speak. Somewhat embarrassed,  I slowly rose and heard
myself say, "Hi, My name's Mike and I'm a conservative." "Hi Mike", I heard in an array of
reassuring tones. Next thing I knew my wife was shaking me awake telling me I' d been
screaming. Yes I was just another pitiful recovering member of  C-A, Conservatives Anonymous.

     Over the past fifteen years I've had many of these politically distorted dreams which I really
never seem to remember upon waking. But during presidential campaigns these dreams become
so vivid and frightening they actually cease being dreams and morph into what's best described
as night terrors. The Conservatives Anonymous dream is absurdly mild when compared to
the frightful vision I had in 1992 of Bill Clinton in Fidel-like military garb and a chest full of
medals jumping and skipping atop the Vietnam Memorial Wall shouting. "Hey Hillary I'm A General."

      Almost as bad was my 2004 nocturnal viewing of a President John Kerry addressing
West Point graduates. After concluding the address he proudly welcomes the class valedictorian,
Osama bin Laden. And you thought Dukakis in the tank was bad. The worst nightmare of the
2000 general election actually occurred after the election. It was simply Al Gore standing
behind the presidential podium laughing. Gore standing behind that seal would have been
scary enough.What made it even more horrific was, well, have you ever heard Al Gore laugh.

      But nothing, nothing, compares to the recurring nightly terror I experience as the possibility
of an Obama presidency becomes more likely. I'm trapped in an arena full of Obama supporters
at a McCain - Obama debate. Of course as misery would have it, Chris Matthews is moderating
and I'm wearing a McCain button. Obama begins his opening remarks but I can't hear him. Everyone
else can and they begin to cheer hysterically. Some of the women even faint. As he continues
the cheering grows louder, but no matter how I position myself  he only appears to be lip-synching.
The crowd roars wildly and begins chanting O-BAM-A, O-BAM-A... Then some of the guys faint.
      Next up is McCain.  He steadies himself, takes a deep breathe, but it;s Ted Kennedy's voice
saying, "Er Ah ye-yes Barry-Ah-Baram er Barak, I errrr agree. I agree with ahhlll that!!
The crowd is apoplectic. 
       The first morning after this nightmare my wife threatened divorce insisting I watch Seinfeld
instead of cable news. I told her that would only remind me of an Obama rally since it's a show
about nothing. But one thing is certain. Should Obama actually prevail, forget Conservatives
Anonymous. I'll be needing the real thing.